Spending Time with your Baby
After your baby has passed away, your midwife should help you to spend time and make memories…
The midwife will allow you some alone time. They will help you to wash and dress your baby and wrap them in a blanket. You may have visits from the bereavement team during your stay as they come to see your precious baby.
Most hospitals provide professional photography services. If this is something you are interested in, speak to your bereavement team. They may have the name of a charity or be linked with a photographer.
You will have many mixed emotions during the time you spend with your baby. You may not want to look at your baby much. Even if you don’t feel up to taking pictures, ask someone to take lots of pictures as you may want to look back on them in future.
Clothing
If you are unsure how big your baby is going to be, don’t worry. The hospital may have clothes in stock or you may be offered clothes if you are going abroad. If you want to buy clothes, ask what size they recommend based on your baby’s gestation and medical condition.
“I was offered clothes by a midwife before travelling, but then she said ‘I suppose you don’t know what size he’s going to be.’ I kept seeing clothes in the shop but after that I felt I couldn’t buy clothes because I didn’t know what size to get. It broke my heart because I wanted to buy something for my baby. After my son was born, the midwife brought clothes. There was a really cute baby grow that was way too big for him, but I had to have it for him. She helped us dress him and rolled up the sleeves. It is one of my favourite memories, that baby grow. He was born at 30 weeks and I couldn’t find a hat to fit him. The next day I took the box out and dug down into it and found 1 hat that someone knitted, and it fit him. I am so grateful to the people who donated the clothes”
Keepsakes and comforters
You may have brought teddies and blankets with you or been given some by the hospital. You might want to leave some or all items with your baby, or take some home. Your memory box will likely have a pair of teddies, one for you and one for your baby, so you can always be together
Activities
Some parents like to read their baby a story or play lullaby music. You can talk to your baby and give them lots of hugs and kisses
Cold cot
You baby will most likely be placed in a cooling cot (sometimes called “cuddle cot”) after you have spent some time with them. If you want to bring your baby home, ask your bereavement team if they are able to organise a cold cot at home. The cot can be a bit noisy but it allows you to spend more time with you baby
Advice from Parents
Put any baby items you take home in a ziplock bag to preserve the smell
Put each teddy in contact with your baby so you can touch something they touched
If your baby has siblings, they might want to share a toy with your baby or have one as a memento